I think I know someone in an abusive relationship

Because isolation is both a tactic and consequence of abuse, it’s important that they know you are there for them, that you believe them, and that they are not alone. An advocate at The Second Step can help you find ways to support them without making their situation even more difficult.

It can be very scary when we suspect or know that someone we love or care about is in an abusive relationship. It is natural to want to rush in to help and support them the best we can. We may have challenging emotions ourselves including anger, fear, helplessness, sadness, and fatigue. Although we might want to, we cannot single-handedly extract our loved ones from abusive relationships. Here is what you can do to support them:

• Validate their experience: Survivors of violence often feel isolated in their experience, and fear that people will not believe them if they reach out. Always believe and validate their experience without passing judgement, no matter where they may be in their process.
• Respect their timeline: Leaving an abusive relationship is an extremely complicated and potentially dangerous activity. A survivor knows best their situation, and can work with a skilled advocate to craft a safety plan that matches their unique situation. The actions that survivors take (including staying) can often seem counter-intuitive to their loved ones. The best way to support your loved one is to offer them support and resources, so that they have them when they are ready to leave.
• Take care of yourself: Supporting a loved one can be challenging and emotionally draining. In order to best be there for your loved one, be mindful to take care of yourself. Remember: you are best able to support your loved one with a kind, compassionate, and clear head when you exhibit good boundaries.

If you need help supporting your loved one, an advocate can provide you with emotional support and guide you to helpful resources such as Family and Friends’ Guide to Domestic Violence: How to Listen, Talk and Take Action When Someone You Care About is Being Abused.

If you’d like to speak with an advocate now, please contact The Second Step at 617-965-3999.