By Sue Ross, CEO of The Second Step
A recent Boston Globe article explored the emotional toll on hairstylists and other care professionals who find themselves holding their clients’ deepest, most personal stories. I recognize and appreciate just how much emotional labor that represents. Hairstylists are not therapists, and it is incredibly difficult to hold someone’s pain while trying to stay within the bounds of their role, training, and capacity.
But when it comes to domestic violence, we often see something a little different than “trauma dumping.” It’s more like toe-dipping. People share because they’re testing the waters. What they are really saying is: Do you believe me? Will anyone believe me?
The article points out what many of us intuitively understand. These spaces — salons, spas, and studios are more than transactional. They are relational. Built on trust, consistency, and care. That moment when someone trusts their stylist with their truth matters a lot. It may be the first time they’ve said out loud what is happening in secret. A simple, informed response like: “I’m really glad you told me. You deserve support. Here is a number you can call,” can open the door to something life changing.
For survivors of domestic violence, there may be another layer to this. It may not be about a lack of access to mental health care that leads someone to open up in these settings. (Although that is a reality). It’s also about readiness and safety.
Survivors often don’t immediately identify what they’re experiencing as abuse. Or they do, but they are not yet ready to fully name it. So they test it. They share a small piece of their story with someone who feels safe and nonjudgmental. They wonder:
- Will you believe me?
- Will you minimize this?
- Will you tell me what to do?
A stylist’s chair can become that first moment of truth. These professionals are uniquely positioned, not because they are trained clinicians, but because they are trusted. They see patterns. They notice changes. They build relationships over time.
That puts them on the front lines of something bigger than they signed up for. And without support, that can take a real toll. But with the right tools, it can also become something powerful.
Stylists, massage therapists, nail technicians, and yoga instructors don’t need to be therapists. They don’t need to have the answers. They don’t need to carry the full weight of what they hear. But they can be a bridge.
When equipped to recognize potential warning signs of abuse, respond in a way that centers the survivor, and connect someone to resources, they create a pathway to safety without taking on the role of “fixer”. And just as importantly, they create a way to release what they’ve been holding.
At The Second Step, we believe that safety is shaped not just by systems, but by everyday interactions. By whom we tell and how that person responds. So, we partner with salons, spas, wellness providers, and other relationship-based businesses to:
- Provide training on recognizing and responding to signs of domestic violence
- Share clear, accessible referral pathways
- Equip staff with language that is supportive, not overwhelming
- Help reduce the emotional burden of holding these conversations alone
Because no one should have to carry this by themselves — not survivors, and not the people they trust enough to tell.
At The Second Step, our message is simple: We see you. We believe you. We are here for you.
With the right awareness and connection, more people can say those words and mean them.
And that can make all the difference.
If you or someone you know needs help, The Second Step is here. Call 617-965-2538 or email info@thesecondstep.org.